62. Tot Siens/ Hambakakuhle / Tata / Goodbye, South Africa!

All good things must come to an end. Monday morning, the first day of July, was my last day in South Africa. I woke up on the game farm and packed everything up in my two suitcases and brought them downstairs and then I just chilled with the dogs for the rest of the day. I went on a walk and saw the rhinos. The dogs chased them. I also saw an ostrich from afar but it didn't see me, so I snuck away, my heart pounding in fear until I was far away. Seeing rhinos on a walk is about one of the coolest things that can happen. I played with the puppies who were all adorable and cuddly and getting bigger every day.

I didn't have to leave until 12:30pm, and the morning kinda dragged by, I was filled with such anticipation. I journaled a lot and wrote out some of these blog posts in my notebook, because I didn't want to waste my computer battery since it had to make it all the way back home without a recharge and I wanted to use it on the plane.

It was such a weird feeling finally getting ready to leave. I couldn't wait. I was nervous. I was excited. I was sad. I was thrilled. I was confused. Anyway, I think I learned a lot about myself going through that, so it was good. And in a way, I'm glad I was alone so I could think and process.

Both Ben and Bossie showed up to drive me to the airport, which was cute and I think it means they both like me. Or at least they're not sick of me after driving and flying me around for the past 16 days. We drove Ben's tiny little sports car that doesn't really have a backseat. I mean technically it does, but it's so small that I couldn't sit upright. Hahah! So that was fun. Fortunately, he could drive it like 160kph so the drive was pretty quick back to Hoedspruit. They both helped me check in at the airport...there's only one gate. I mean it's not really even a gate. It's just a restaurant/gift shop / seating area. You walk through a metal detector and show the inside of your bag to someone who peeks at it for about 5 seconds and then you walk onto the plane. Pretty chill. I waved goodbye to Bossie and Ben and then it was time to leave. Joburg, here I come.

On the flight to Joburg, I sat next to a really cool girl from the Netherlands who had spent the last 5 months doing her practicum for her conservation bio major doing elephant research. I was jealous. Haha. But we had a great conversation!

In Johannesburg, I went and collected my luggage and then found international check-in, flirted with the guy at the baggage drop until he let me check both my bags all the way through to Kansas City so all I had to carry was my backpack. I still had about three hours until my flight, so I shopped, grabbed a bite to eat and then sat down at my gate. By now, fortunately, I was a pro at navigating Joburg airport, so that was good. I knew exactly  where to go and how to use the bus system to board the airplane. It's complicated, but not too hard. I boarded the massive airplane and was in a middle seat sadly, but whatevs. It's only 12 hours right? haha. I was in between two girls about my age. One had done a two week service trip and the other had done a month long conservation program.

As I was sitting on the airplane in Joburg, waiting to take off, I wrote this in my journal:
"Well, it's 7pm and I'm sitting on a plane in OR Thambo airport runway in Joburg. It's time to say goodbye to South Africa. Wow. I can't believe it. I feel like I just started this journal [note: it's almost completely full...I kept it for my personal thoughts and reflections about myself and such during the trip], this journey. I don't really feel like journaling now actually, but I'll try again when I'm airborne. :) Shap shap Joburg."

The wave of emotions I felt as the plane took off was incredibly strong. I literally had a big knot in my chest and it hurt so bad I didn't think I could breathe. I can't believe I just left South Africa. Wow. I've been so homesick the last several days but suddenly I couldn't process leaving. And now I feel as though I may cry. Oooof. Last night was incredible and I know I'll never forget the things I've learned and experienced here. But it's still terrifying to leave. I want to leave some emotions and scary things behind with ostriches and other bad scary things I don't want in my life. I want to leave the hurt at the racism and other things behind. I am happy to be going home. I am sad to leave South Africa. Hey, there's the catch, isn't it?

As I turned the pages of my journal back to Day 1, sitting in Kansas City airport, recovering from mono, so excited for the adventure before me, that first day in South Africa, getting approached by some kids in the grocery store and freaking out, exploring and falling in love with Cape Town, getting to know the kiddos in my creches in Kayamandi, realizing the extent of the poverty and the pain it causes to see the extreme economic disparities, opening my mind and heart to new ways of thinking, new ideas, to getting everything valuable stolen from me that day in Cape Town, to finding it in my heart to forgive, to summoning up the courage to bungee jump...and even more scary, go adventure caving, to forcing myself to crank out all those hundreds of pages of writing for my classes, to learning how to cook on a hot plate without throwing off the electricity for the whole first floor of the dorm building, to seeing a rhino in the wild for the first time on my safari, to meeting a sangoma and asking her some blunt questions about life and health issues in South Africa,  to cuddling with an orphaned baby zebra under the stars of the South African night sky...I've learned a lot and made a hell of a lot of mistakes and had a lot of fun adventures and made some amazing friends.

I realize the fullness of this experience isn't going to hit me right now, on the airplane over Africa. But it's going to hit me over the next several months, maybe even year. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm curious. I'm so blessed to have had this experience. Now for the long journey home...